Praying

 

It has been hitting the fan around here people.  I have found some evidence that the hubs has been lying to me and doing things behind my back.  The thing is, they weren't even about porn!  But it was LYING! So i was re-traumatized. But I don't want to even get into it. It was hard. I cried a lot and not the hubs is into his second week on the couch.

 

Last night when I was praying before bed, it occurred to me that MAYBE I should pray for my hubs.  Since we are in quite a rough spot.  So I start praying for him.  "Please help him to...." STOP. No, that is a prayer for what I want HIM to do. "Please have him...." STOP. No, Camilla, that is not something in your power.  "Please help him to love himself and help him to know that I don't completely hate him". Okay, success, I prayed about something that isn't me trying to control anything. It's HARD though. UGH! This is one of my new goals though.  Yes, i realize it should be obvious to pray for my husband, and something that is automatic.  BUT it's not for me yet.  It's time for me to make new, good habits! Wish me luck!