Sorry guys! Sometimes ditching the blog is a form of self care! Let's get started blogging (again).
So last time my hubs looked at porn, I wasn't too upset. I was just like, "figures" cause he won't put a filter on his work computer. But I DID come up with a new boundary for myself, for self care. My husband and I IM during the day instead of talk on the phone. Here is what our convo looked like when I presented the boundary:
Camilla: so I have a new boundary (don't be worried) When you have looked at porn, I may or may not make dinner the next day, depending on how I feel.
Husband: are you serious, or do you just not want to make dinner?
Camilla: I am serious, when you look at porn I need to work to not go on a downward spiral by taking time for myself and connecting with the kids and allowing myself to let go of some responsibilities.
Husband: I think that is a great idea.
Camilla: plus, when you look at porn, that way I get something out of it. I don't have to make dinner!
So there it is, a new boundary. I was nervous to present it because it seems so trivial and small and non important, but if it helps me, it helps me, no matter how small. And it's important to ME.
Maybe my next boundary will be that when he confesses, he has to confess and then make me brownies!
I like your idea. A break from some of the routines and demands is totally necessary when you need all your energy to sift through the emotions that come with betrayal. By the way, I'm so glad you started a blog! It will be good to hear updates!
ReplyDeleteMarlee
I love to hear from you Marlee! I totally miss you! Thanks for the love!
DeleteOnce I found a couple of bill wrappers for quite a bit of money in my husband's pocket after he'd visited a strip club. I told him that if he felt it was okay to blow money on lap dances, I wasn't going to make an effort to clip coupons anymore and was going to spend the equivalent to his lap dance amount on shoes (while making clear that this wasn't approval of his actions or a trade). I don't think it had an impact on him one way or the other but it did help me feel like I'd regained a little bit of self-esteem (and a new pair of Frye boots).
ReplyDeleteGood for you for taking time for yourself!
Oh man! That is a HEAVY find Amanda! I agree though, and I'm so glad you got some sweet shoes!
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